New reasons to despise HR professionals

In my young age of 26 I find myself going on a variety of interviews once again looking for an employment opportunity. I just finished a three year stint at m first job after college and it is time to once again start looking for the next big step on the career ladder.

This time around, things are a little different. I'm not willing to just take any opportunity that opens itself up to me simply because I need a job. I'm not interested in clobbering my fellow co-workers over the head in a hyper-competitive workplace. I feel no desire whatsoever to have an "admirable" job like a banker, doctor or attorney. This time, I find myself looking for a job that I just don't hate doing everyday. I'm perfectly aware that there is indeed a reason that jobs are called work - and that's fine. I don't mind work - I mind work where the people are completely miserable human beings that simply pray everyday for their job or life to end. I mind when my superiors lie, cheat, steal and make me look stupid when they should be held accountable for what they did. I also mind when they soak up all of the glory for my hard work.

So, after considering my options carefully, here's what I've been able to narrow down:

Here's what I won't do:
- No Sales.
- No Food Service
- No Retail
- I will NEVER take a job for less than $14 an hour.
- No data entry
- Absolutely no suit or tie. I burned my last suit. Never again. ( I don't mind business casual)
- No big commute. 45 minutes each day is too hard on my car and me.
- No call centers

Here's what I will do:
- Interaction with people beyond basic "Hi" and "Sales needs" conversations
- I don't mind customer facing jobs.
- Form a field of expertise that allows me to develop a niche.
- Public Dialog where I'm approached with respect and dignity - no "fuck you because you did your job" scratching post spot.
- Gently push me forward to do better everyday. Don't kick me when I'm down, but don't stop kicking me when I am up either.
- Co-workers that give a damn about me, and that are worth giving a damn about back (which I had at my previous spot)
- A sense of success or project completion - no "repetitive churn" positions.
- Finally, let me have a stake in the business after I have earned it.

I think HR professionals have likely forgotten that they serve as ambassadors for their companies and instead have gotten themselves into being compliance officers bothered with prospective job applicants. So, without further ado, here's the most recent "greatest hits" section of my Blog. It contains HR sins, and companies I have personally had the pleasure of interacting with that have committed these atorocities.)

Well, despite these desires and needs, most job hunters absolutely despise HR professionals for the following reasons:

- No recognition of the time it took to craft a Resume / No Thank You Letter for the application (Wells Fargo, IBM, Equity Partners Real Estate, BNSF, Southwest Airlines, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Humana and Bank of America)
- No Bait and Swap. If I apply for a certain position, don't call me and offer me a chump change sales position without even bothering to talk to me about the job I actually want. If the job was filled, fine. Consider me for an equivalent position with equal rsponsibility and stature. Don't offer me the McJob because the real job was filled. (Bank of America, Kelly Services, ManPower, Simpson Property Group, Comcast, PNM)
- Piss Poor Follow-Up on Job Postings. I've had HR professionals call me THREE MONTHS after I post a Resume. (Eclipse Aviation, Intel, Wells Fargo, Bank of America)
- Fake salary promises. Don't promise $35-50K in a posting then offer someone $19K after they go through an arduous, three stage interview process. I work for money. If you want a chunp that works for free, consider Mexicans / Illegal immigrants / Slaves (Virtually All)
- Don't disappear after an interview. If I wasn't qualified, fine. If you think someone else can do the job better, fine. But don't give me a bullshit "even though your job skills were impressive, BLAH BLAH BLAH dear John crap. Tell me how I can improve, what skills I need to obtain, what education I lack, or simply that you're cheap and I want too much money. You really are going to do me a favor. (Schwabb)

"HR resonse: But Brad, we could be sued for discrimination!"

My response: discrimination/unethical behavior is keeping job seekers hungry and desperate and feeling like failures when they have no reason to feel that way. I'll respect you more if you actually give me a reason to do so. Keep in mind your job seekers may also be your future customers. I had a company I interviewed with turn me down with no response that later bid for a project my company was offering. I vetoed a $160 Million dollar project with the firm because of how I was treated at the interview, even though it cost my company an extra $3 Million to go with someone else. (BNSF)

- Fear of mentorship, HR exec: "My god, you've been in the workforce for THREE WHOLE YEARS and you aren't the chief executive officer of the company you left? GASP!" Yes, Fucktard. Believe it or not, I don't know everything. I do actually want a job where I can learn something. Is it so shocking that I'm not attune to your exact industry needs, norms and desires THREE YEARS out of college? You are probably my senior by 20 years and you're stuck in a dead-in HR gig. Who the hell are you to judge me when you are 20+ years my senior and I'm applying for an equivalent salary band job that you are in now?
(VERY prominent at sales culture firms: Wells Fargo, Bank of America, Schwabb, Scott trade)

- Endless Web forms for Resumes: I do actually want you to LOOK at my Resume instead of entering a boolean search into a database. How do I know what exact search term you're going to use for a City Planner? Or Director of Finance? At least look at the pretty paper I send.... (All)

- Resumes. Bullshit to read. Bullshit to make. Bullshit to keyword. Bullshit to format - it's all in the air these days with expectations. If you really wanted to know me and my personality, how about having a cocktail with me and actually getting me as a person? (all)